I know how you feel. I know all too well how your days must feel like. Allow me to shed some light on how your days must be like. It’s a new day but it doesn’t feel like it. It has been a while since you have wanted to get out of bed and get on with your day. It feels like your life is in a loop and the days have merged into meaningless ordeals. Picking up the phone exhausts you and making up excuses for why you cannot be somewhere has now become a habit. Actually, you don’t even try anymore.
No one gets it, so you don’t talk to anyone about it. It is much easier to plaster a smile on your face than to even begin to tell someone what you are going through. Even you don’t understand what you’re going through. You go to work, come back, play the television in the background and zone out, for hours.You used to enjoy going for walks, you can hardly move anymore. You forget to eat for days and sometimes cannot stop eating. Tired of telling your mom that you’re just busy, or exhausted after work, but that you’re okay. You aren’t okay. Soon you will be doing something absolutely mundane like typing on your laptop or buttoning your shirt and suddenly you’ll burst out in tears.
Has that happened already? You need to stop and listen to me. I am going to tell you something that will help. There will be times when you will question if it is worth; when you will question what are you going on for. It is imperative that in that single, very crucial moment, you take the deepest breath you can muster and tell yourself that you are okay.
Being okay is a journey that will have its highs and lows, and it is at the lowest point that you’ll be the weakest, yet you have to gather the most courage,because it’s only at your lowest that you’ve got the most to lose.
On the relatively good days, I need you to breathe in all the sunshine and the tiny glimmer of happiness and lock it away in a place for when you need it on the bad days. The key to holding yourself together is knowing that there will be good days, and you have to be there for them.
Hopelessness is a silent killer that you need to do away with before it hurts you. It is not as difficult as it seems, I need you to believe that. Questioning your purpose in life will only make it worse, but tiny efforts of adding value will get you a long way. Feed the stray dogs on the corner of your house, ask a poor girl where she goes to study. Maybe helping yourself can start by helping others?
And please know that someone loves you, though you shouldn’t let it be the reason for your existence. Know that you love yourself is just as important as someone else loving you. Your purpose comes from the fact that you know how crippling it is to be broken, and using that empathy for someone will only heal you in the process.
It’s hard right now. It will be hard all your life. But you are made of stuff that can handle anything, you just need to have faith.